


Desperately Wanting

by AndreaLyn



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-29 22:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaLyn/pseuds/AndreaLyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard McCoy never expected to be divorcing his wife because he found himself as far from straight as possible. He also didn't expect that she'd take him on a trip that leads to Starfleet and space and Jim Kirk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desperately Wanting

It becomes apparent to both of them after the seventh attempt. Leonard rolls slowly off of Jocelyn and lies on his back beside her, eyes firmly kept on the ceiling as he tries to think of something to say. This is the seventh try in a period of three months and just like all the other times, nothing’s saluting, nothing’s at attention, and nothing is working the way it used to when they first got married. In fact, if they both think about it, the last time they properly were capable of having sex had been after the baseball game they attended.   
  
“Leonard,” Jocelyn says worriedly, looking to the side. “I’m beginning to think I’m not exactly what you want out of a marriage.”  
  
She doesn’t sound angry, which is the one saving grace in this situation. Leonard exhales deeply and looks back at her, trying to puzzle out just when the hell this happened. They’re both half-clad in their clothes. Jocelyn pulls the strap of her nightgown back over the breadth of her shoulder while Leonard tugs his boxers back up from around his ankles.   
  
They lay there, side-by-side, Jocelyn chewing on her thumb in consternation as Leonard tries to fumble through as many excuses as he’s got.   
  
“You know I love you, Jocelyn,” he insists when he can’t think up anything that doesn’t sound like a blatant lie.   
  
“I know you love me,” Jocelyn replies quickly, shifting as she cups his cheeks with both hands. “But I’m just not entirely sure you  _want_  me. Leonard,” she deadpans, looking at him with worry. “It’s been three months.”  
  
“Maybe it’s just stress.”  
  
“Carter Thompson,” Jocelyn interrupts with the name of Leonard’s favorite pitcher.   
  
Suddenly, something is definitely paying attention and Leonard wishes it had been his mind flickering to think about Carter’s last stand against the Yankees. No. No, it just has to be another part of his anatomy that has suddenly started to pay attention to the situation.   
  
Leonard offers a conciliatory lift of his brow and wishes that something would come to mind to say other than, ‘want to have a go now?’ He turns over in time to bury his face in one of the thick goose down pillows on their bed and he hates to admit that maybe Jocelyn might have a point about this. He doesn’t want to dignify it with actually dealing with it, but he should have known then that it’s the beginning of the end of their marriage.   
  
*  
  
They were a good couple in marriage and so Leonard isn’t surprised that they strike a good partnership outside of it as well. He keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Jocelyn to cash in on the righteous anger she’s allowed, but if anything she seems relieved to know that it hadn’t been her that was driving Leonard to disinterest in the bedroom. The divorce happens swiftly and neatly, but it doesn’t change much. Instead of sharing the same bed, Leonard takes the guest room and makes it into his own. They still share their meals and they still watch television together in an almost-intimate position with her feet in his lap.  
  
The one major difference between their marriage and their divorce is that now when they go out to grab a drink, they spend their time picking out men for each other. Leonard isn’t so sure about this, but Jocelyn insists that he has to figure out if he really is gay or if this is a phase or if he’s something else entirely.   
  
“The strawberry-blonde,” Jocelyn indicates with her mint julep – a shared favorite drink of both of theirs. “The fit one, with a little muscle so you won’t feel like you’re breaking him.”  
  
Leonard tips back his drink thoughtfully and throws a considerate look Jocelyn’s way. This is the first time they’ve come out to do this together. “Shit, Joce, how the hell do I do this?”  
  
“You charmed me in a bar just like this,” she reminds him. “All of seventeen and using that confidence to make up for your age and the fact that neither of us were supposed to be there. You bought me drinks all night and told me jokes and we danced until the lights came up.” She pokes a finger against his heart. “ _He_  is still in there. You just have to show that to someone else now.”  
  
“Why can’t we just go home and watch the television?” Leonard grumbles as he takes back half his drink at once, eyes skirting around the dance floor to eye men up that he wants to go home with and ones that he’d much rather spend fifteen minutes with in the bathroom before never seeing them again.  
  
Jocelyn clasps his chin and kisses his cheek. “You’re not a teenager anymore, Leonard. You just realized you like men. We need to get you accelerated on this bell-curve of experience and it  _starts_  with Mr. Strawberry Blonde.” She reaches over and rolls up his sleeves, unbuttoning his top button. “Now. Go over there, buy him a drink, and say in that pretty drawl your Mama gave you that you like the way his ass looks in those jeans. Got it?”  
  
“Yes Ma’am,” Leonard concurs, honey and southern sweetness coating his words.   
  
This is exactly the tactic Leonard uses to meet Clay Treadway in a sticky Georgia club three weeks from that first night they went on the trawl together. Leonard has since managed to bag himself six quickies in the alleyway and has taken three men home. He’s fucked, been fucked, has learned some of the intimacies of fellatio and has even let one adventurous young boy teach him about rimming. As Jocelyn would put it, he’s ascending the bell curve and doing some lascivious things to it with his tongue as he goes.   
  
Clay is a tall, thick, attractive blond who’s been lingering around the bar. Leonard has been buying him drinks for an hour.   
  
It’s only when Leonard leans in to kiss him that he gets stopped.  
  
“Whoa, now,” Clay laughs warmly. “Not that I don’t appreciate the love and attention because you are a fine and hot thing, but I’m more interested in…” and he points eagerly over Leonard’s shoulder to their usual booth. Leonard turns and sees Jocelyn wiggling her fingers eagerly at the both of them.   
  
“You let me buy you drinks for an hour,” Leonard says, trying to restrain his irritation.   
  
Clay just shrugs. “You’re still hot. And I’m not opposed to a threesome.”  
  
“You’re flirting with my ex-wife.”  
  
“Or not,” Clay easily replies. “Come on, introduce me to her. Tell her some macho story about me. Or, and I know, this is genius, I could just take off my shirt.”  
  
Leonard doesn’t volunteer the latter, but there’s a still-interested part of his brain that says that he wouldn’t mind seeing that. After all, just because he’s struck out with the man doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate the aesthetics. He follows Clay and watches the way Jocelyn claps her hands in delight and presses her lips together with great thoughtfulness as she eyes up Clay.  
  
Leonard shoots her a knowing glance.  _Careful. You don’t know where he’s been._  
  
 _And he has no idea where he’s going to go_ , says the look in Jocelyn’s eyes as she casts a mischievous grin back at Leonard.  
  
*  
  
Jocelyn is the one who applies for the both of them and manages to get them a berth at Starfleet. The papers come in the mail to Leonard’s abject confusion because he could swear he never applied to work as a Professor at the Academy, but there it is, his glowing acceptance and a personal letter from Captain Pike himself saying how happy they are to have him. He goes to the study with the sheaths of forms and waves them in Jocelyn’s face. “The hell is this?”  
  
“I applied for you,” she says smoothly. “The South’s been no good to us and we needed a change of pace. I’ll be teaching ethics and you’re teaching an introductory class to xenobiology as well as several specialized classes on brain grafts and vaccines after that year of co-op you did universally abroad.” Jocelyn doesn’t succeed in hiding a smile behind a thin pen. “Captain Pike was very delighted to hear you’d be coming.” She turns back to the forms she’s filling out. “Clay’s coming too. He says he can’t possibly leave the two of us alone because I might meet a more handsome man and you might forget how absolutely in love with him you are.”  
  
Leonard rolls his eyes. “I need to take a scalpel to Clay’s ego.”  
  
“He’d probably just take it as another sign of affection,” Jocelyn points out. “Come on, Leonard,” she begs, grasping his hip and giving him a shake and a sway. “How about some adventure in our lives? Are you really so allergic to it?”  
  
“No,” Leonard is forced to admit, even though he hates the sound of agreement coming out of his mouth. “But I might just have a panic attack every few seconds because of it.”  
  
“I’ll ask Clay to hold you down,” Jocelyn comments idly as she signs their names and their lives to Starfleet’s purposes.  
  
Leonard does little more than raise a brow. “So that’s the kind of kinky you two are...”  
  
“Leonard, sweetpea,” Jocelyn drawls and licks the envelopes shut. “Jealousy has never looked good on that tall, dark, and handsome complexion of yours. Don’t think that’s changed.” She presses a fond kiss to his cheek and whistles on her merry way as she heads out to the letterbox to mail the forms away. She keeps whistling while she plans their new life and Leonard cringes as he thinks about uprooting everything he’s ever held dear in order to change even more on this path to a strange new place.  
  
*  
  
They meet for drinks at the bar after their first full day of lectures. Clay has already bought them a pitcher and Jocelyn is laughing brightly at his story of the general reaction to his accent at all the law firms he’d interviewed at. It’s in the midst of his tale of a hiring that Leonard joins them in a downright furious sulk.  
  
“What the  _hell_?” Jocelyn asks when Leonard downs an entire pint at once. Her eyes remain as wide as Clay’s are and neither are sure if they want to engage in this particular bear of a mood that Leonard’s displaying. “Leonard, it’s the first day, please tell me you aren’t already planning a shuttle back to Georgia.”  
  
“I need a new TA,” he mutters.   
  
“Why?”  
  
“...Just because!”  
  
Clay and Jocelyn exchange a long look and the hand that Clay has been resting on Jocelyn’s thigh rubs reassuringly for a moment before he removes it and claps Leonard on the shoulder, pouring him another glass of beer. Jocelyn is still studying Leonard curiously, as if he’s been holding out on her and she’s not going to accept any answer until he gives the right one, which in this case is an explanation.   
  
Leonard goes through half his beer in one long hard gulp and sets it back on the table with a sigh, as if he’s gone through a war instead of a class.   
  
“Is the TA that bad? Is she stupid? Or slow? Dim-witted?” Jocelyn goes through the usual list of things that leave Leonard in a foul, foul mood.   
  
“No, he’s...” Leonard sighs and then sharply cuts himself off, shaking his head. “No. No, I refuse to talk about it. I’m going to apply for a new assistant and that’s that. There won’t be any more goddamn discussion.”  
  
Which of course means that there’s going to be much more of it. Clay and Jocelyn exchange a knowing look and without saying a word, they both concoct a plan that’s sure to work if their nefarious ways have anything to do with it.   
  
The next day, Jocelyn goes by the classroom when Leonard is sure to already have left for his standing appointment with a glass of whiskey and assignments to be graded at the campus bar. As she’d hoped, the TA is still there collecting texts and papers and PADD’s and she understands fully why Leonard had reacted the way he did.   
  
“Well, now I know why Leonard wants to ditch you,” she notes aloud, letting the door slam behind her. The TA jumps slightly and watches with mild bemusement and trepidation as Jocelyn crosses the class from the back to the front and hops atop the table, crossing her legs and sprawling casually.   
  
The TA just arches his pretty, pretty eyebrow and looks at her legs and the way the skirt puts them on display. “Are you here to seduce me?”  
  
“Only vicariously,” she promises. “I came to invite you!” she decides suddenly, knowing that it might sound like a complete fabrication of the truth, but when that’s what it very well is, there’s not much she can do other than plaster a charming smile on her face and just go with it. “We do this little get-together. You should come, you would  _love_  it. Dr. McCoy will be there too. I imagine you have a little thing for him?” And if Leonard’s lucky, it’s actually a  _big_  thing.  
  
Pretty Boy looks at her with blue eyes sparkling and she knows just how much Leonard must hate him. He’s  _gorgeous_  and if he’s TA’ing this class, he must be brilliant. He’s a dangerous young man and Jocelyn wants to see if he can light fire to Leonard’s strangely puritanical lifestyle as of late.   
  
“I’ll comm you the address and the details,” she smoothly promises.  
  
*  
  
It’s called the ‘Bake & Dish’. Leonard insists that he had no part in starting it, but it had been his apple cobbler that had resulted in an empty bottle of wine and Jocelyn, Clay, and Leonard sprawled on the den floor complaining about students and Starfleet. Somehow, three other instructors have been added to their ranks and Captain Pike is known to drop by. Tonight, Jocelyn says she’s bringing someone new, but Leonard files that away as he continues to deep-fry the squid they’ve brought in from the pier.  
  
He’s clad in nothing but a pair of dark denims, a black tanktop and a little novelty apron that Jocelyn bought for him last Christmas.   
  
This is how he receives the door when the bell rings and Jocelyn shouts that she and Clay are currently ‘indisposed’. Leonard knows that’s code for ‘we’re currently making out and one or both of us are half-dressed, so be a dear, Leonard’.  
  
He wishes more than anything that he’d taken the time to change because instead of Pike at the door or M’Benga or any of the other senior Medical staff from Starfleet, it’s none other than his TA presenting a bottle of red and looking Leonard over with a leering gaze.  
  
“If I knew this was what happened at these things, I’d have crashed way earlier,” Kirk appraises with a lewd grin. “Surgeons do it on any table?” he asks, reading off the apron. “Cute. Almost as cute as you but...”  
  
“Stop with the pickup line before I cringe on your behalf,” Leonard interrupts, snatches the wine, and heads back inside. “Jocelyn! Your little pretty boy is here. I’m not doing him on the kitchen table.”  
  
“Do not be a prude, Leonard Horatio McCoy!” Jocelyn shouts down at him from the upper landing.   
  
Leonard looks back at Kirk and tries to rifle through the various outcomes of this particular incident in his head. At least thirty percent of the scenarios involve Kirk on the curb firmly placed on his ass, but a disturbing fifteen percent of outcomes involve Leonard, Kirk, and some dark corner and some very wicked things. Leonard makes sure his brain knows that majority  _is_  ruling today.   
  
He snatches the bottle of wine from out of Kirk’s hands and gestures inside. “C’mon, get,” he orders gruffly. “You and Clay will probably have loads to talk about once you start comparing the sizes of your genius and your ego.”  
  
“Oh, please,” Kirk scoffed. “I’ll out-modest him any day.”  
  
Yeah, Leonard thinks. This is going to be a real barn-burner.   
  
*  
  
He hears ten rumors and discovers that six of them are true and Jim Kirk is a bona fide opportunistic slut who will sleep with anything that’ll spread and reveal an orifice or two for him provided it results in no-drama and he can still be just-friends in the morning. Sure, he gives them a good time, but there’s no morning-after call and there’s no dinner date beforehand. It’s all just a wham here and then some bam and everyone’s happy.   
  
Except Leonard McCoy is most certainly not going to settle and be happy with the prospect of becoming just one more fuck in the line of Jim’s conquests. Maybe a full year ago, he could have done it with aplomb, but he’d screwed his way through the population of Atlanta and figured out all the little tricks that came with having sex with other men.  
  
He’s tired of that life and he wants to move onto something more serious.  
  
His TA, while gorgeous and flexible (apparently) and a genius, is not that kind of man and Leonard knows a lot about barking up the wrong tree when it comes to those things. So instead of trying desperately to change a man who won’t be changed, he ignores the way Jim’s pants are too-tight and the spark he has in his eyes when he gets into a hearty debate. Instead, he accepts a date from a gorgeous older man who’s transplanted from the South himself.   
  
He’s kind, courteous, and wants something monogamous and serious.   
  
This is exactly what he tells Jim when they meet after class and Jim attempts one more time to try and get between Leonard’s sheets.   
  
“So, what, you don’t want to fuck me just because you want to have a date with some guy?” Jim clarifies, confused.   
  
Leonard wonders if Jim’s ever been rejected by anyone in his life before, if anyone ever said no to that lithe and perfect body of his. “I’m too old and too divorced to just be fucking around. I want something more serious and I’m sure you could give me a good time for a night, Jim, but I’m looking for a good time for a lot longer than that.”  
  
Jim opens his mouth to seemingly protest, but Leonard’s heard this song and dance a million times before. It’s not always to him, but he’s treated enough girls and guys who thought that they were supposed to be  _special_ , they were supposed to be something more. Inevitably, morning comes and dawn casts a real unflattering light on the whole of it.   
  
“Save it, kid. We’ll be friends, you know what that word means, yeah? Friends? As in, when you don’t try and seduce…”  
  
“Yeah, I know what friends means,” Jim says with a broad grin, cuffing Leonard upside the head to stop any continued teasing in the same vein. “So, if you’re my friend, this mean you’ll pay for first round at McDonaghy’s bar?”   
  
“I think you’re pushing your friend luck,” Leonard says evenly.  
  
“I could always go back to trying to seduce you!”  
  
Leonard sighs and bitterly thanks Jocelyn for transplanting him from his nice comfortable home in Georgia to a place where blond, blue-eyed geniuses seem to think they have the run of the world and everyone’s just a pawn to play with. “Fine, first round and you keep your hands off my ass.”  
  
“Regrettable as the deal is, I’ll take it,” Jim says cheerfully. “Come on, they’ve got this crazy good imported beer. It’s only like, fifteen credits but…”  
  
Jocelyn is definitely, definitely getting an earful tonight.  
  
*  
  
She comes to him with a folder and two words. She expects him to just change his life for her. Hell, he’s already had his life uprooted by her perfectly-manicured hands once, why not let her do it again?  
  
All because of two words --  _Clay’s sterile_.   
  
So Leonard’s the only hope. Nine months later, they have a daughter and Jim Kirk is still a friend. Nine months later and Leonard is still holding two words above Clay’s head any time he proves to try and dominate a room with his supreme ego.   
  
*  
  
Leonard’s relationship with the similar soul from the South lasts all of one year and seven months. Jim makes jokes the whole time and asks when they’re getting married. Jocelyn does the same. Joanna McCoy comes into the world and Leonard’s boyfriend holds her awkwardly, like he’s got no idea that a baby isn’t a football and doesn’t bother to learn the right way to do it.   
  
Clay and Jim are naturals. Leonard’s sure there’s some law up there in the stars that deems men like that to be so good with children – something about their own inability to ever truly grow up.   
  
He inches closer to getting a degree from Starfleet and watches Jim Kirk: The Wonder Child ascend through the heavens and become the bright shooting star that he is. He watches him ascend so high until the Kobiyashi Maru makes him come crashing down and then the Narada engagement pulls him down further.  
  
It’s been three years since they arrived at the Academy.   
  
Leonard is single again.   
  
Jocelyn and Clay are parents.  
  
And Jim Kirk and all the universe around him has decided that it’s finally time for him to grow up.   
  
*  
  
Leonard has been CMO of the  _Enterprise_  for exactly one week, four days, two hours (and if Spock’s around, thirty seven minutes). He’s had three panic attacks, has cured two strains of STD’s brought aboard by curious ensigns, and has splinted one broken leg. He’s currently explaining to Uhura exactly  _why_  Chapel really shouldn’t be staring at him so hopelessly. It’s not that he doesn’t like her, he’s been saying, “but she’s really barking up the wrong tree,” he concludes, sliding a mug of spiked-coffee over the table to Uhura.   
  
“Well, why is that? You were married, weren’t you? So all the plumbing works,” Uhura replies easily.   
  
“I was married and I got divorced. The reason  _for_  the divorce is that my plumbing doesn’t exactly  _react_  to hers anymore,” he says, wishing that this damn analogy didn’t sound so crude. “Uhura, I’m gay,” he finally puts it bluntly. “I was in a relationship with a man for almost two years before this posting. If I were still straight, I would still be married. So, sweet and lovely and smart as Chapel is, I’m not the man she wants.”  
  
He doesn’t shock her by her reaction so much as he  _disappoints_  her and he’d like to think that’s all for Christine’s sake.   
  
“Why’s it matter so much?” he finally asks.  
  
“Because I’d rather she was involved with you than staring longingly at Spock.”  
  
Leonard bites back a groan because that’s just one thing he doesn’t want to have to deal with in his Sickbay. Not to mention that he just can’t account for the tastes of two intelligent women if they’re both falling for  _Spock_  of all people. He tells this to Jim over drinks in the Captain’s quarters the next night.  
  
“I don’t know, he’s smart, attractive, exotic if you think about the whole endangered species thing,” Jim lists idly as he sits in his chair and crosses his legs idly. “Plus, I hear that Vulcans have ridged penises. Is that true?”  
  
“You TA’ed my course, you already know the answer,” Leonard replies tiredly as he considers his drink and immediately doubles it for no reason other than he’s  _still_  in space and he still thinks ships are nothing more than tin cans bolted together with very flimsy pieces of material. “Don’t tell me that you’re in love with the pointy-eared bastard too,” he pleads, thinking that he’ll need to triple his drink if that’s the case.   
  
Jim seems to take pleasure in drawing this moment out and making Leonard actually wonder whether Spock’s been dousing himself in some kind of love potion number nine deal where everyone in the world but him (he’s still got some common sense, after all) has fallen for those damn pointy ears.   
  
And then he just flashes a grin and sips at his bourbon. “I’ve got my sights on bigger fish,” Jim promises coyly.   
  
Leonard tries not to think about the trouble that this is all bound to cause because if it’s not Spock, then it’s probably someone even more problematic. This leaves him feeling that it’s either Uhura or someone close to Leonard because that’d just make his life real hell between the professional (imagining Jim constantly down at his door) and the personal (so maybe a small part of Leonard’s been waiting for Jim to grow up).   
  
It’s likely not Uhura because Spock wouldn’t stand for that, so that means it’s probably Chapel, M’Benga or one of the other nurses or doctors that Leonard actually  _likes_  working with.   
  
“Damn it, Jim,” is all Leonard unleashes because it seems apt. The kid’s gone from TA to his goddamn best friend somehow, but it’s not like that’s too much of a contest when Jocelyn and Clay were holding down that job before and mostly out of sympathy. “Just make sure not to make too big a mess.”  
  
“What about you? Thinking of taking a hot guy into your arms to while away the panic attacks with?” Leonard glances up when he hears a note of faint discord and displeasure in Jim’s tone, like he doesn’t really want to know the answer, but the look on his face says he’s as horndoggedly curious as ever. “C’mon, I know Sam of the South and you are over, but this place is teeming with fresh fish.”  
  
“I’m not really looking, okay?”  
  
“Not even for a rebound?” Jim asks hopefully. “I’m a great wingman, Bones!”  
  
“I already did that part, trust me,” Leonard assures, trying to quell the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach that’s churning at high speed at the fact that Jim is actively pushing him onto other people and whatever glimmer of a hope that Jim has matured dies with a stomp of a foot putting out the fire. “Look, whatever stupid crushes I have, life’s different now. We’re in space and that means that it’s not just for the short haul, it has to work because I’m not dealing with petty high school breakup issues out here. As if I don’t have enough trouble on this tin can.”  
  
Jim gives him a long look at that and Leonard wonders what it means, but he never gets to ask because the insistent beeping of his comm alerts him to the fact that the conversation between him and Jim is over.   
  
“Jocelyn,” Jim announces, reading it off the screen. “I’ll give you some privacy,” he promises, pressing the ‘accept’ button and beaming like it’s his job to provide the sun to a universe. “Jossie! My favorite ex-wife, how  _are_  you? And hello little JoJo, say hi to Uncle Jim!”  
  
“ _Swim_!” Joanna announces, earning a muffled laugh from Leonard as Jim’s face falls.   
  
“She just needs time. Anyway, I’ll leave you and your ex-husband to talk about how amazing my ass looks today,” Jim guarantees with a wink, turning to give Leonard a long and lingering look, as if Jocelyn isn’t staring at them on the screen. “I’ll come back after? If you want?”   
  
“Yeah, just gimme an hour,” Leonard agrees and watches Jim as he goes, turning his attention back to Jocelyn in time to see her patented all-knowing look. “Oh, for god’s sake, don’t give that look around the baby, she’s going to pick up bad meddling habits. Stop it, whatever it is you’re thinking, whatever it is you want to say, don’t do it,” he warns.  
  
“Oh,  _Leonard_ , I knew someday someone was going to fall for you the way I did. Sure, it took him this long…”  
  
“You’re saying things, Joce,” Leonard warns. “Babygirl, start babbling for your Uncle Leo so he doesn’t have to listen to Mama’s crazy.” Jocelyn hands him a heavy helping of a serious look and Leonard sighs heavily and points towards his door. “Him. You’re saying he…”  
  
“Is so goddamn head over heels in love with you, I don’t know how you don’t get projectile hit by those hearts radiating in his big blue eyes,” Jocelyn rhapsodizes lovingly. “He is full-on overboard and hopelessly fallen for you and you don’t even notice.”  
  
“He said he’s got his sights set on bigger fish,” Leonard grumbles, trying to dismiss all of Jocelyn’s nonsense before one of her little seedlings of a half-truth dares to take seed. “Jocelyn, focus on that baby in your arms and stop meddling in my non-existent love life. Jim Kirk is not in love with me.”  
  
“You say tomato…”  
  
“And you say crazy speak!” Leonard interrupts to accuse. “I’m hanging up now. Tell Clay I still don’t love him or his ass.”  
  
“He’ll never believe you,” Jocelyn laments. “Get some rest. Or try, when Jim’s not there to bother you with his hanging onto every last word you say, doting on you, wishing that he could press his lips to yours and…”  
  
Leonard hangs up on her.   
  
Jocelyn really needs to put down those romance novels and Clay really needs to start satisfying his wife if this is how desperate she is for a vicarious romantic thrill.  
  
He sits there at his desk, twirling one of Joanna’s baby duckling toys in his hands and watching the always-unique rotations it achieves with each spin, giving mild thought to the crazy talk that Jocelyn had been spouting at him. Jim Kirk in love with anyone is a joke, in love with Leonard McCoy is the world’s funniest disaster novel in the making. He’s so lost in his thoughts that Jim manages to get back in his room and to swipe the duckling away without McCoy even hearing the door.   
  
“I just got off the phone with an infant, I don’t need to deal with another so soon,” he bitches mildly. “What do you want?”  
  
“You said come back in an hour!” Jim protests. “So I’m here. An hour later. Why are you so cranky?"  
  
"I don't know," Leonard sighs out the words. He'd been so close to yet another barb, but Jim hasn't done anything to deserve that and it's like kicking a puppy when it's down, harming Jim Kirk like that. "C'mon in, you might as well try and wait out the bad mood."  
  
"Homesick?"  
  
"Nah, no more than usual," Leonard murmurs.  
  
"...Spacesick?" Jim asks with trepidation and the wariness of a man who was once thrown up on inside a shuttle to the stars during a test-run.  
  
"Don't worry, not that," he wryly promises with a laugh.  
  
Jim hesitates after that and seems to skip a beat, but when he does speak, it's earnest as can be. "Lovesick?”  
  
And God help him, but Leonard actually feels somewhat bad for Jim, because he doesn't know how to respond to that. He's not over-the-moon sick with love, but he is starting to feel tired of waking up at night and not having anyone to share the sheets with, not having a man to go to bed with. It's hard and he knows that. He knew it going into this gig, breaking up with Sam, staring at Jim sometimes and wishing he'd just grow up. He lets out a sigh and shakes his head. "No. Lonely, let's call it lonely. My best friend and her new husband and baby are living it up on earth while I circle around the vacuum of space."  
  
"Gee, Bones, make it sound romantic," Jim dryly says. "It's not so bad up here, is it?"  
  
"Suppose that you keep it from being wholly miserable," Leonard admits, and coming from him, it's one of the highest compliments possible. "Yeah, I know, it makes me sound like a cretin, but take what you can get." Somehow, something that he's said is comical because Jim has lit up with delight and is laughing at him (or with him, but it's all the same to Leonard when it comes to the way Jim can find comedy in anything, even if it's tragic). "What is it?" Leonard sighs out, giving in to his curiosity.   
  
"Nothing!" Jim protests with a laugh. "Just...coming from you, that's almost a compliment. I'm glad I make you not-wholly-miserable, Bones. You make me not-entirely-miserable too."  
  
And just like that, Leonard knows that they're talking about more than just each other and the ship and life back home.  
  
It's why Leonard keep his gaze lifted so he can look Jim dead in the eye when he says, "I love you too, Jim."  
  
And boy, but that reaction is definitely worth the looking.  
  
*  
  
Leonard arrives first, though it’s not exactly the usual locale for the Bake and Dish, but he supposes that things have to change now that he’s a public face that ‘people want to see’, according to Jocelyn. Of course, Leonard would like to insist that it has more to do with the fact that Jocelyn and Clay have a two-year-old.  
  
Wine has been exchanged for juice boxes and pates for crackers.   
  
They sit on a bench, the three of them, and watch the kids on the playground screaming and laughing as they play. Leonard is framed on either side by someone – Jocelyn with her arm draped around him and Clay with one hand patting his thigh. “You knew things had to change at some point,” Jocelyn is telling him with a soft smile on her face. “This is for the best.”  
  
“Yeah,” Leonard agrees quietly, keeping his eyes forward. He watches the little girl play out there that has his DNA coursing through her and hopefully guiding her to have common sense and none of Clay’s damn ego. Hell, he’s betting on nature, but nurture might just turn into the underdog and steal it out from under him.  
  
The  _Enterprise_  is circling Earth thousands of miles above them in space, orbiting the planet while only a skeleton crew holds down the fort and shore leave gives everyone the much-needed break they all deserve.   
  
“How is she doing?” Leonard asks of Joanna because he’d rather talk about the little girl than about his own life and what happens in space. No one can hear you scream, no one can hear you say yes to things that you’ve wanted for years and years.  
  
Jocelyn smiles warmly and proudly, the smile that all mothers inherit the day they have a child. “She’s our child,” she says, in the collective sense. “She’s perfect.”  
  
“Uncle Jim!” Joanna screams happily as she sprints past the bench.  
  
Yeah, Leonard’s pretty well-aware that next to Jim, he’s chopped liver, even to the little girl he gave life to. He smiles wryly and turns to watch Jim approach, clad in a leather-jacket and a pair of worn-out jeans and wearing an easy smile. A stranger would note that he looks older than he did before he took command of the  _Enterprise_. The responsibility of a ship isn’t just passing him by. He has new wrinkles, new grey hairs, a set to his shoulders that’s heavier, but he also looks as proud as Jocelyn does of Joanna.   
  
Leonard tries to subdue the smile on his face, but it’s a hopeless case. He just laughs warmly and watches Jim haul Joanna into his arms, tap her nose, and bring her the rest of the way forward.  
  
“…and then the penguins decided to give me flowers!” Jim is just finishing saying, which is a story that isn’t exactly involving ‘penguins’ and ‘flowers’ aren’t the nicest gift that aliens have ever given to them. Still, Jim seems to have managed to convert it to a perfectly nice little story for kids and Leonard won’t complain. He sets Joanna down into her mother’s lap and leans down to press a lingering kiss to Leonard’s temple. “Hey, you went ahead without me.”  
  
“You were still in the shower and I got anxious,” Leonard replies, craning his neck up to look at him, a fond smile on his face as he doesn’t even bother to dim the affection that’s practically gleaming on his face.   
  
“You know,” Jocelyn is saying from beside them and without looking, Leonard knows that she’s wearing a smug smile on her face. It’s the one she displays every time that she gets her way. “I love it when I get what I want.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jim is agreeing easily, idly draping his arms around Leonard’s torso from behind and just holding on lazily. “Me too.”   
  
And Leonard’s life just keeps on changing, all because of one thing that could revel in simplicity – Jim is an old hand when it comes to making Leonard everything but miserable.   
  
Jim always did have to grow up at some point. Leonard’s just happy that he decided to do it while the window had still been open, just waiting for Jim to come inside and close it behind him.  
  
He locks the window with one more kiss to Leonard’s cheek and a whisper of ‘love you, Uncle Cranky’ and Leonard knows he isn’t going to bother opening it anytime soon. 


End file.
